Election Day Fun

Election season kicks off yet again tomorrow, and a little over one-third of the American population that is eligible to vote will get up early, skip their lunch, or rush to their polling location immediately after work to cast their ballot.  Considering the busy lives we all lead, and the burden of having to wait in line while the person in front of you informs everyone his name is Chad but not to worry because he’ll vote quickly so as to not leave everyone“hanging”, it’s only natural to wonder why we take the time to go vote.  Below are five reasons why I find voting fun and why I plan to vote tomorrow.  Feel free to use them as motivation for yourself and your friends, too.

First, I’m a political science graduate student and Election Day is our nerd Super Bowl.  The irony, sadly, is that we get so buried with political science coursework that we don’t actually have time to pay attention to current political events.  This morning I’ve been attempting my due diligence in order to study up on the candidates and the issues in my locale of Michigan, but not too much.  I find it’s fun to look over the shoulder of the person voting next to me, then pretend to fill out my own ballot.  You might get a few dirty looks, though I’ve never understood why.  I’d be flattered if another voter tried to cheat off of me.  I would consider it a testament to my own political IQ.

The second great reason to vote is the sticker you receive that says “I Voted.”  Every day I make it a point to do something that makes me feel great about myself, like getting up early to go to a local high school just to tell the kids how great college is and that I can sleep in as late as I’d like, or hang out at gas stations and tell other people how much less I spend on gas than them because I drive a Toyota Echo.  But Election Day is special.  I don’t have to show people how much better I am than them – I can just tap on my “I Voted” sticker and they know.  I don’t have to say a word.  And just in case I run into another person with an “I Voted” sticker, I vote twice so I can have two stickers to wear.

The third reason to vote involves whining.  I don’t want to just come out and say I’m a better whiner than you, but let’s be honest – I am.  While attending a family function recently, I noticed two of my relatives engaged in a political debate.  One was a Tea Party supporter and the other a Democrat.  When the Tea Party supporter admitted he hadn’t voted in the 2008 presidential election, the Democrat informed him he had no right to complain or be angry if he didn’t vote.  I took that lesson to heart.  It doesn’t matter who you vote for tomorrow – heck, you could even create a cool pattern on your ballot like I did on my ACT test – as long as you vote, because a vote means you can whine about anything to anyone at any time.

The fourth justification for voting is that Election Day is a chance to have a second Halloween.  Though I have yet to do this activity myself, I always thought it would be fun to vote dressed as Darth Vader and tell everyone around me that with my vote I intend to keep the empire strong.  I pitched the idea of my girlfriend voting in a bikini so that she could claim after she voted that she bared it all for her country, but she didn’t go for it.  Probably because she hates America.  Either way, dressing up should be an integral part of Election Day.

And finally, Election Day offers a great opportunity to protest.  If you want to make the local news, all you have to do is go to your nearest polling location and protest the act of voting itself.  When the media arrives, tell them you think voting should be banned because the act of voting hinders your right to complain about not having a say in government.  If you want to make national news, start your anti-voting protest after you have voted and while wearing your “I Voted” sticker that makes you superior to everyone.  Actually, don’t do that – that’s how I plan on making national news tomorrow.

With less than twenty-four hours until Election Day, we all now have valid reasons to go vote (besides that whole “patriotic duty” thing).  Do the right thing and cast your ballot.

Scott Janssen is a grad student, political satirist for the Huffington Post, and an overall drain on society.  He can be reached at dnaprovesnothing@gmail.com or follow his blog at www.pantslessponderings.com.